Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
