Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
