Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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