I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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