If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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