I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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