Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
