my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
