I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
