I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize