Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
