Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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