after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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