I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
