I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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