You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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