If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize