Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
