I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
