yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize