I wanna bring you to show and tell
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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