Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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