32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
