I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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