Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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