Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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