Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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