another moral hangover. fuck.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
