the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
