he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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