did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
