You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
