stop calling my apartment porn island.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
