im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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