Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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