I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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