Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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