Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
