I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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