Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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