Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
