When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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