i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize