woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We have so much sex to catch up on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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