Your face is a jimmy john
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bring me that man meat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
