4 words: hood of his car
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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