so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
