woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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