You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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