i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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