I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
