whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
