I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
