I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my shit smells like andre
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
