i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
