My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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