i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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