we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
