Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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