Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
