I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
