i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
