he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
