So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
