u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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