Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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