Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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