pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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