remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize